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iPhone Album For A Dying Star

by Light Widening

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1.
Dorothy in Swan Lake 02:44
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Poor Dorothy wearing ruby red The day's all crawled inside her head There's nowhere quite like home she said As we backpacked through the quad Susanna tossed her cigarette And left the group that she just met Caught up to us two on the steps And asked how have you been Well this and that and oh me too Well wince and laugh and look at you I hadn't heard oh is that so Well look I really have to go Maybe some other time Well I didn't want to let anyone down So I divided my soul into a crowd Till who I was could not be found And we put up missing signs But water still filled my sunglass eyes As I watched them lower Debby down inside A time capsule made of satin and pine My sleeping snow angel Well ain't it nice that she visits me Keeps me company in my dreams And the room it seems cold as ice When Dorothy calls me up to cry And I shiver in the night Till my blankets drenched in morning light But I don't know about Dorothy I can hear her tapping her slippers Against the bed frame Spilling those dead days as whispers Drifting off I hear her saying I used to do ballet Remember me in Swan Lake I used to be in Swan Lake Remember me in Swan Lake I used to be in Swan Lake
2.
Cold Hearted Lovers 02:10
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Cold hearted Lovers Slamming doors and hanging up the phone Yeah I’m drunk tonight Saying things I never meant to expose And now she’s stealing Into her mom’s bathroom for some pills And I am feeling My room spin as I lay completely still And yeah it’s over But we will use each other Till it’s dead Kissing and touching Till she huddles in a corner on the bed And says, “Something’s missing It doesn’t feel like it did before Who are we kidding I don’t think we should do this anymore.” Wandering sidewalks Sleeping all the time But still always tired Arguing with my mind Once so confident Now struck down and feeling shy I don’t know where I’m heading With this overwhelming life
3.
Standing on the Bridge Rail at Multnomah Falls 03:35
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Multnomah Falls Tonight Looks like another ending resolved High hopes crashing down waterfalls Pouring over my Multnomah cheeks Stared down at my shoes up on the bridge rail last week I want to drive my car in front of a train Get these one track thoughts of you out of my brain But we're already dead and gone to you And there's nothing that can change what you want to do Which is nothing Crossing my fingers that we'd shoot the moon But you only left me lonely in my empty room Empty house, empty car Empty beating heart Full of ache, full of pain Full of false starts I want to drive my car over a cliff tonight If it wasn't for my brothers then I think I might Cause there's nothing I can do but murder my love Crush the tiny broken body of this poor dying dove Of a hope that you'll return But I know that bridge is burned Burnt to hell Oh It's burnt to hell
4.
Photographic Memory 03:20
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Mary’s got a photographic memory She tells me all the time I guess she feels it’s worth remembering Her entire life Maybe Mary will marry me some day When she gets off her go round Wish she wouldn’t make a fool of me and say Every class has its clown I was looking for answers in the wrong places I was looking for love in all the wrong faces She’s really pretty in her tennis shoes And pretty smart till she’s around a group I wanna be around her I wish I never found her Constance says she’s trouble and he’s right I put up a good fight But she’s on my mind Mary gets over love so easily Cries all through the night But when she gets up in the morning Her heart feels free and light But I get caught up in my head too much Till every choice is wrong Every time she’s close enough to touch Suddenly she’s gone I was praying for answers And God went quiet Figured I should chance her Might as well try it She’s really sweet the way she lets you down Tells you no like you’re the best she’s found She’s all that’s in my head now It feels like she’s dead now Debby says I seem strange And she’s right Hey can you talk tonight Get this off my mind And I don’t want to waste your time The way that she wasted mine But I know that you’ll hate me someday But hate is just like love When it stays never gives up Like flowers left out on a grave Once lovely now withered and gray
5.
I'm Not Worried 03:03
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I'm not worried Cause that would mean That I thought ahead Waste the weekend Sleeping in Laying in my bed Trying to decide If I should get up Or hit snooze again There is this girl That I'd like to talk to But I keep putting off She'll wait for me Until she doesn't And the chance is lost There will be others  Many others So I'll keep moving on Cause I don't mind if it happens of not Or if that's right or wrong I've watched myself do nothing I've seen days end before they start Staring at the ceiling Waiting for my life to fall apart
6.
The Graduate 02:06
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If I seem better It’s not cause I’m better It’s cause I closed my eyes If I seem Happy It’s not cause I’m happy It’s cause I no longer try To answer the questions I had back in high school And carried through my college years Like when does the world end And who goes to heaven And why is any of this here Now I’m just drifting Yeah I’m just drifting On a raft in a swimming pool And often I sleep in Too often I sleep in No real reason to get up No motivation No superego Telling me I’m not living up No rhyme or reason The forest is trees when You look at it long enough
7.
Cancer Risk 01:46
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I’m thankful to see you’re doing better now The medication seems to have you leveled out I’m not sure you should pair it with the whiskey though And AA doesn’t help unless you chose to go Do your best to hold the torch to big regrets Sitting on the front porch smoking cigarettes You know you’ve gotta kick em cause the cancer risk But no one else is I’m trying to climb my way to the next rung The pennies from my songs will never be enough To even buy myself a new guitar No I’m not complaining it’s the way things are But it’s time to put the lid on to teenage dreams A hobby is all this is ever gonna be But there are lots of other things I like to do Like getting drunk at night and sleeping in past noon
8.
Too Little Too Late 02:32
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Too little too late should have been my band name Teenage musicians think they wish they had fame Passion's a cigarette and I'm on my last drag The pack is empty and I laugh at passed days Seeing the world through rose colored glasses Believing anything that was completely bat shit Drowning in denial like an aging actress In the limelight for a while some time way back when But then I met depression and it was my best friend Taught me my life could be so much less than What I'd envisioned when I was obsessed with Breaking all the odds making money as an artist But now I've been trying to get the train back on track It's a herculean effort cause I'm scared of contracts In the cornfield with my flashlight trying to make contact With the bright light in the sky but they must have gone back Sometimes it seems like there's a ghost that guides me Always been obsessed with the plain unlikely But circumstances stack up and I think there might be A mystical meaning that I'm slowly finding At night freaking out thinking there's no way forward That's it the ship is sunk should I just jump overboard My bank account's heart beating beneath the floorboards Pulling out my hair I think it's hopeless oh Lord Wake up in the morning see it was a nonsense Oh good I guess my worries they are all gone then Strange how things distort when you're sleep deprived and haunted But now I'm rested and feel alive and not dead
9.
Days In Empty Space 02:14
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Days in empty space Spinning like a top Checking the fridge For beers I did not Finish off last night When I was bored I know it isn’t right Praying drunk to the Lord But God’s got no humor No he’s mad all the time Judging everyone Who steps out of line God killed his son Instead of killing us But he rose from the dead So we wouldn’t cuss They say I’m a genius Well how would they know I took an IQ test My score was really low But the truth is I got bored About half way through Guessed all the rest And got an 82 They say it’s your choice What you do with your life I guess I chose to be sad And anxious all the time So they’re putting me on pills So the fear will subside I hope I am me still On the other side
10.
Trickle Down 03:59
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Passing the plate for the collection service Pastor on stage is talking veiled politics I've been losing my faith but I still miss the feeling Of singing Your praise standing and kneeling Read the multiple choices on my mail in ballot Still don't have the answers to vote fair and balanced Drank all I could from the endless fountain Of outrage and scandal, kitschy Us vs. Them Driving to work where it's fucking boring Why was it worth it waking up this morning Spend what the bills don't take on nights of debauchery When I started I said that I'd stop with one drink Staring at my phone into the late night hours Didn't make my bed or have time to shower It's a strange routine, Life's slow to devour What's left of my passion second minute hour My life's not as far along as I thought it'd be Thought it would look more like sitcoms or Disney My dad bought his first house in his twenties I lowered expectations got myself to thirty So Baby Boomers if you're scared of Socialists Coming out the woodwork killing the Free Market Know it's not your fault we had a Great Recession Just pray Trickle Down will stop the revolution Put your faith in God's name on the dollar Buy some gold, ignore the shanty town Skid Row squaller Start another war, avoid drinking tap water It can have lasting effects on your sons and daughters Laying on my floor doing some meditation Trying to save myself from my imagination Gotta find my mind some peace and quiet Turn down my negativity bias  So God if you're up there if you're listening Can you please tell me what the hell I'm missing Cause I've been in love with humanity It just seems like we lost all of our marbles lately
11.
The Shot Heard Round the World 04:05
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As I wage war against my pay check Finding new ways to stay in debt Somebody draft me can I die yet Trying to save the world Can't sleep at night without a night cap But I almost fell asleep in my ice bath Anxiety and depression that's my path For trying to save the world Listen to the wisdom of the crowd Stray too far off path and we'll shoot you down Joseph McCarthy you would be proud Stray to far off path and we'll shoot you down Sleep with a shotgun by my night stand Intruders won't make it far on my land Stand over the dead body hold my wife's hand Trying to save the world  Now I fight my family on the internet Defending our troops and our President Nothing in life is free you've got to work for it Trying to save the world I've just been looking for a fight To get my mind off the daily grind Just trying to keep the dream alive The shot heard round the world The shot heard round the world The shot heard round the world I put all my faith in my candidate Went to all the rallies shouted from the pit But when the votes were tallied they didn't win Trying to save the world There's something refreshing about a bank run Knowing it's all crashing can be great fun Now you're not the only one who's bankrupt Trying to save the world Listen to the wisdom of the crowd Stray too far off path and we'll shoot you down Joseph McCarthy you would be proud Stray to far off path and we'll shoot you down Thinking about the massacre at My Lai On the patio at Billy's drinking Mai Tai's All this yuppy living isn't my type Of trying to save the world In a ghost town with a silo from the Cold War We're all still here because someone chose to ignore The early warning missile system report Trying to save the world I've just been looking for a fight To get my mind off the daily grind Just trying to keep the dream alive The shot heard round the world The shot heard round the world The shot heard round the world
12.
Bombs Away 04:07
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Well the war rages on two decades long But we ain't had a draft since Vietnam Bombs Away Bombs Away Eisenhower warned us in his address About a Military Industrial Complex Bombs Away Bombs Away She's laying naked on the bed like a Pin-Up Girl In an affair with the Police Man of the World Bombs Away Bombs Away Shower her with kisses like a bombing raid It isn't murder if it's sanctioned by the State Bombs Away Bombs Away Workers fighting workers don't make no sense Wages stayed the same but they raised the rent Coca-Cola Classic is in our blood Coca-Cola Classic propaganda  Storming on the beaches Or guarding check points Acting out the thesis That they taught at West Point The liberation was a sham All went according to plan We just came to lend a hand Well the workers build the mansions of the rich Till every middleman's a goddamn socialist Bombs Away Bombs Away They say the border is now a concentration cage Full of failed states toppled by the CIA Bombs Away Bombs Away Another blockbuster movie hero with a gun This time she's female but she's still killing everyone Bombs Away Bombs Away Workers fighting workers don't make no sense Wages stayed the same but they raised the rent Coca-Cola Classic is in our blood Coca-Cola Classic propaganda  Storming on the beaches Or guarding check points Acting out the thesis That they taught at West Point The liberation was a sham All went according to plan We just came to lend a hand
13.
Karma's Gonna Find Out 04:45
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Zone out on the drive You’ve lived so many lives Still somehow survive On credit cards Cold as calculus Brass knuckles on the fist The plaintiff pleads the fifth A pocket knife Devil's in the churchyard Angel's in the snow Haven't seen the Sun Since Sacramento Drag the body from the highway Down into the ditch Karma's gonna find out Find out what you did Late night diner food Hot coffee keeping you From sleeping in the booth A Thomas Guide The record player sings So high you're seeing things You cry about everything A rose that blooms Rocket's leaving Earth now Only to explode Onlookers are crying Husbands white as ghosts There's a boredom in the sunset Where there should be awe It'll wipe out all your regret Help you forget GOD Devil's in the churchyard Angel's in the snow Haven't seen the Sun Since Sacramento Drag the body from the highway Down into the ditch Karma's gonna find out Find out what you did Caught your one hail Mary The past is dead and buried The crucifix swinging From your rear view mirror gleams Rocket's leaving Earth now Only to explode Onlookers are crying Husbands white as ghosts There's a boredom in the sunset Where there should be awe It'll wipe out all your regret Help you forget GOD Devil's in the churchyard Angel's in the snow Haven't seen the Sun Since Sacramento Drag the body from the highway Down into the ditch Karma's gonna find out Find out what you did I said Karma's gonna find out Find out what you did I said Karma's gonna find out Find out what you did I said Karma's gonna find out Find out what you did
14.
The Fall of the Proud 02:41
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You laugh at me Cause I’m solemn like A riot cop at a picket line And I crack a smile Like a break in the shields Tear gas hit back with rackets I yield to your Beauty and joy like a hummingbird Finally seeing how absurd I’m being And I’m returned back to the current time Not some future filled with loved ones dying And you save me Baby And you save me Baby Over and over again The rug is pulled out from under me I’m up in the air and I’m wondering What I will be like to hit the ground With everyone watching the fall Of the proud And I am not brave And I am not free I’m a ward of the state Of my misery And you come to me like a hummingbird Bursting with colors never discovered And maybe I’m sick baby Do you know I’ll look away from the pond To search for your Echo And you save me Baby And you save me Baby Over and over again
15.
Someone's Imploded Sun 05:33
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I crawled into my computer Reminded me of my bathroom mirror When it would turn into a tunnel And take me back through the years Like the dead i’d see it all before me The childish choices that I’ve made I’d cry like a lost boy in the corner Of a hallway stretching out either way Into a cacophony of emptiness Into the meaningless night sky Lightyears and lightyears of dead stars Someone’s imploded sun We all go cold We all go cold We all go cold I wandered for days in my computer Couldn’t find myself a door That would let me back into my bedroom So I had to sleep on the cold floor Till I found an archive of memories Old versions of me hard to acknowledge I hate him I hate him I hate him But i fed him and i clothed him He was me Now he lives in a cacophony of emptiness Under the meaningless night sky Under lightyears and lightyears of dead stars Someone’s imploded sun Are you cold Are you cold Are you cold Then come in and be warm We don’t have to be alone Night is day Day is night Right is wrong Wrong is right It’s a simple life If you close your eyes Just don’t let reality in
16.
This Ship Has Sailed 04:19
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Emptying out my closet drawers Moving across town The years here felt like baggage claim Watching the belt go round Like we’d wander through the parking lot Of the mini golf At the workplace where I stayed to long Claiming it’s not my fault Maybe the ship has sailed I’m still standing on the shore Moving slower than a snail Lost the battle and the war Empty piggy bank After selling myself short Throwing away boxes full Of shooting for the stars It all lead up to where I am Standing back at start They make the racetrack a circle So you never can progress But when you fall you can hear The laughing audience Now I time waste Staring into space Like I’m stranded on the moon No shuttle and no crew The sky is the limit But it’s too big to move Maybe this is the change That I needed to make To finally find the key To the doors all locked on me Fill my piggy bank Set sail on the sea

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released August 18, 2020

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Light Widening Orange, California

Ginger Folk.

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